We are facing a transition in the next couple of years, but not the kind that changes locations. As far as we know, our transition has to do with a role change. A role change that scares me a bit, because it’s big and full and lonely. To cope with the unknowns, I’ve allowed my mind to think through the possibilities and I came up with a plan that I think will work. Now I just need to get God on board.
Am I the only one who thinks like this? That I need to figure things out because the unknown scares me, and surely God doesn’t want me to be uncomfortable in the waiting. Even though I can spout out truths all day like “God’s timing is perfect. God’s ways are perfect. God always provides what we need, when we need it….,’ it’s so much harder when my own life is affected.
It literally scares me to death to surrender my plans. It scares me to death to think that God might say no to my plans, even though I know His plan and His version is going to better than mine. Could be the same as mine. Who knows? God knows.
I was reminded a few years ago, that I wanted something. I wanted it so badly that it scared me that God might say no. Some friends of ours had moved away and their house was perfect, the rent was perfect, and I was fed up with my own location. My husband and I were on the same page. We both wanted to move into that house. I remember saying out loud that I was so afraid God would say no. And he did. If we were going to move, He would have to provide the additional support needed to move off compound. What He did do was provide enough for us to be at 100% of our current need, but we had to stay. It was pretty clear what He was telling us. While the realization of staying was initially disappointing, it didn’t take too long to understand that moving would have been a mistake. And now, a few years later, we are both so glad we stayed. God brought along other opportunities that wouldn’t have been possible if we had moved. He knew. He still knows.
God paints a beautiful picture for our lives when we let him. He is the ultimate artist, and yet some days I want to take the paintbrush from his hands and paint my own picture, without His guidance.
When I was 7, I took art classes. I did some half-decent work, especially under the instruction of my art teacher. (My personal favorite was of a pig that my grandmother called “Reba”. She paid me a dollar for that painting.) One day, we were painting landscapes, and together, we painted a waterfall and lush greenery. She turned her back to help another student, and I decided the the bushes needed strawberries. So I grabbed a paintbrush and drew big, red strawberries on the bushes. I’m not saying it ruined the picture, but the look on her face was slightly disappointed that I hadn’t asked her for guidance. I hadn’t ruined the picture, but it could have been better.
Life is like that. Under the guidance of the great Artist, the Creator, the Lord of my life and best loving friend that I could ever have, I can have a beautiful life. When my colors and brush strokes are made alongside teaching, with guidance, with respect to someone who understands art and life better than me, I can have a masterpiece. When I take hold of the brush and start painting on impulse without asking for help, it’s still my picture, it’s still beautiful because it’s mine, but it’s less than the masterpiece that it could be. I don’t believe that it disappoints God so much as hurts Him a little, because He knows He had something better in mind, but we are settling for less because we wanted it our way.
I’m trying to relinquish my way. I’m trying to trust. I’m trying to visualize that God has a path, possibly a different path than mine that could be better. And it’s not about the path, really. It’s about surrendering my will to Him and trusting Him to lead, and to provide.
I want to live a masterpiece.